I Pray for Sleep

Sliced my wrists to watch them bleed Out every ounce of insecurity. I'm beyond repair, beyond reprieve Scarred outside and in by dishonesty Too fat, too scared, too soft, too free Too little to love, too much to leave. Great with a joke and a dollar to feed, A good fuck, a good smile, a …

Finally Free

Alone, but resolute, I stand tall, No longer enduring emotional squall. Gone are the pretense, finished are the games, No longer seeking logic amidst torturous flames. No more disdain for my weakest of nightsNo more targeted blame, no more endless fights. Unapologetically me, I claim liberty, No longer shackled by another's authority. Scars and charms, …

I let you be real, today.

By that, I mean I talked about the real us. Prompted by a vivid, painful dream, I released everything I could about all the reasons we fell in love, and how it happened. I talked about the support, and the connection. I talked about the strength, and how you pushed me to work on my …

Reflections on Love, Burnout, and Seeking Fulfillment

At 17, I envisioned a future as a successful marine biologist, making a name for myself, surrounded by love, and achieving the kind of personal and professional milestones I'd been told all my life were far outside of my reach. Fast forward to almost 30, and I haven't done any of these things. Sure, I …

Do You Still Read These?

Hollowed out and emptied of everything that made me whole.I went to you, followed you, I'd given you my soul-For those walks in the moonlight bookended by dreams prayers that someday life would give what we'd need.But I was never enough, and you feared all those eyes...The scrutiny of people who watched over your life...So …

Midnight Rambling

Is it a two-way street, or am I again driving the wrong way down an unpaved road to nowhere? Why must I seek meaning in mundane phrases and empty promises... Am I so desperate as to believe anything kind is meant to be sweet? Again, I'm licking up tar and calling it honey so I …

Should I Fall in Love Again

Should I fall in love again, I beg it be with my best friend. Should it be with my best friend, I beg he love me to the end. Should he love me to the end, I beg our love is filled with peace. And should our love be filled with peace, I beg my …

Soulless

I exist, soulless and still at heart. My actions, though shallow, play their part In a world that's peacefully, calmingly dark;I breathe through a life devoid of our spark. Each moment of thought clear of your shapeIs A moment of ignorance, a chance to escape,A moment of triumph in my withdrawal from fate...A moment to …

4/20/2023

I’m alone. Slow and steady, from my stomach, through my heart, through my throat and out of my eyes. Waves begging for something I don’t know how to give. Why are you back? Why are you bothering me again? I’ve eaten, I’ve slept, I’ve walked, I’ve talked, I’ve worked, I’ve cleaned, I’ve thought so deeply …

That Flame

It burned, in every way imaginable... It burned in my lungs, It burned in my skin, It burned in my heart, And it burned in my eyes. Like the freshest air, or the hottest flame- The coldest water, or the brightest day. I felt it coat my mind and soul, Burning me alive, while making …